Thursday, April 28, 2011

Grumpy, a list, IIII

I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day.

You'd think by now I'd be able to forgive and move on. But, I'm just not ready. I'm not ready to extend forgiveness for sheer stupidity.

I spend a lot of time in my own head space. For right now that seems to be the safest place for me. No one yelling at me. No one judging me. No sideways glances. Nothing but peace & quiet.

I’ve decided that I torture my body with exercise. That way I can physically hurt as much as I hurt emotionally.

My sister thinks I’ve lost my marbles. I have – but, I’m just trying my best to keep them corralled in my mind.

I breath deeply a lot. A LOT!! I deep breath so much you’d think I was starting my own Lamaze studio. ::sigh::

I feel like life is punishing me for something - it's just that I have yet to figure out what for.

I want a whole day to do nothing but watch what I want to watch. High on that list? Movies. Practical Magic, The Other Boleyn Girl, Ever After, Hope Floats, Anna and the King and some more Practical Magic...

I also want a day that is fill with copious amounts of coffee, coffee flavored ice cream, toast w/ peanut butter and jelly, and probably more coffee. Oh - and maybe a fountain diet coke. Yep.

But, what gets me thru the bad day? I know that at least tomorrow is a new day. And that a new day has the potential to be a good day.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Grumpy, a list, III

I pluck my own eyebrows, in my car, on my lunch hour. I find that the natural lighting is amazing and perfect at that time of day.

Extra plus to car plucking? I can get the little visor mirror really close of my face.

Not so good thing about car plucking? I can get the little visor mirror really close of my face.

My sister is a really fantastic writer. If I had even a tenth of her talent, I bet we could make a fortune.

I gave up ice cream for lent. Typically it doesn't bother me to give up things for lent. This year, no ice cream is KILLIN me.

Pettiness grates on my nerves.

I excel at being passive aggressive. Actually, I thrive on it.

I don't play well in the sandbox with others. You'd think that after 33 years of life I learn how to do that.

Either do something right, or don't bother to do it at all. Perhaps that is why I don't ask for help?

I am an OCD perfectionist. (yes, you should pity my husband)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Hope

Hope is a word we have lived by for the last two and a half years.

Hope that things will get better. Hope that things will get easier.

Hope that we can make ends meet each month. Hope as we scraped together quarters, nickels and dimes to make a car payment. Hope we can work out a deal with the bank. Hope that everyone could just be a little more understanding and patient with us regarding money owed.

Hope that our 3 year old daughter would understand why we can have bananas this week, but not both apples and bananas. Hope that our daughter understands that next week why we can’t even have bananas – because we need bread and milk more.

Each month we held out hope. Hope that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. And, that hopefully when we got to the end of the tunnel, we would be able to bask in that light. That hopefully, we could breathe a little bit easier.

That has been our existence for the last two and a half years.

We have lived with nothing but hope of a better tomorrow for so long that we know no other way to live. And, as I write this I realize that my family is not an exception. We are one of many families feeling the crunch of the economic crisis.

I hope that that it will get better.

I believe in the possibility of a better tomorrow. Because, right now? That is all I can hope for.